ONCE A DANCER..
What happens if you don’t dance ‘for real’ for almost two years?
Do you still feel like a dancer? Can you still call yourself that?
The urge to create dances.. will it ever come back?
For me it was unclear.
The past 18 months have been a struggle at times.
To cope with the changing circumstances, I needed more rest than usual. More time. More focus. Less impressions.
More time by myself, and time with just my closest ones.
A kind of creative survival mode.
I still do enjoy the learning of movement. Very much.
And small acts of creation. Tiny moments of connection.
Just not quite in the same way as before.
I’ve declined performance requestst (even online ones!) for many months.
I didn’t feel capable of making full on dances.
But creating nothing also did not feel right..
Plus, it felt kind of lonely to keep on learning so much, yet not share my love for movement and dance through teaching.
So what to do?
Duting the past two years, I focused on taking care of myself first, just to keep moving in small ways.
I then shared what I had learned from this. I shared what I did for self-care, movement wise. Mixed with dance.
And from that, my online Strength – Flexibility – Dance BOOST Program was born.
It became my firmest anchor.
A reason to keep on moving, and learning, and sharing, to keep on showing up.
Day by day, week by week.
A small community grew.
BOOST gave us a rhythm, something positive to look forward to.
In a way, it is also is what made it possible to keep on creating.
I was asked to create a ‘fully new’ dance for an online festival this November.. and I made myself say ‘yes’.
Then I procrastinated until one week before due date.
I did listen to this track on repeat (I truly love it! found it while creating REELS to promote the BOOST classes 😄) and I visualised how I could dance to it while doing other things.
So.. When I finally made time to at least test the light and camera angle for ‘horizontal filming’, I put on some lipstick, played my music, grabbed my fanveils (comfort zone of props!) and I recorded a first improvisation, just to see what happens.
I never expected to enjoy what I would see 😅
Normally I just film a ‘first dance’ and watch it later to find raw diamonds, to refine, tweak and polish into an actual dance.
But this raw performance had… An honesty.
It’s not perfect (nothing ever is) but that is part of why, I think, I like it so much.
It’s simply movement. I’m trying things. Repeating. Listening. Adjusting.
It reflects, in a way, what I’ve been doing, feeling, thinking all these months.
Moving. Dancing. Fighting. Learning. Doubting. Hoping. Letting go.
An expression from the inside. A movement flow. A dance. From me to you. 💕
A shout out to my inspirations.. because a dance is never made alone:
This performance was created/recorded in honour of Charlotte Desorgher ‘s INSPIRE Festival, which happened last weekend (thank you again for the much needed kick in the booty!)
Getting up to dance in the first place that day was inspired by Eliana Hofmann’s burlesque class for Delanna Dance’s online WOW event (another creative collaboration that has brought me so much joy during the past year)
Also.. the props. My dance partners. These fanveils were made for me especially by Eszti of Flowsilkuk. I adore their fluidity and the colours. They make me feel like I can fly.
Mr. E, my husband, my rock, who has supported me unconditionally throughout this strange and wonderful dance adventure from the very first day. For 19 years. Without him, I would certainly not be writing this.
And my mom, of course, for literally bringing me into this world 😄💕 and my sisters, for letting me bop along to their records (LPs!) from the moment I could stand ☺️✨
All my teachers, past and present, and my fellow movement/dance students, for sharing their joy of movement so passionately and generously. I consider myself very lucky in that department.
And.. last but not least.
My BOOSTies. I very much feel that the BOOST Program (I teach it because I need it!) and getting to move and dance together with my BOOST Participants (BOOSTies!! I love you all) is what’s keeping me going till this moment.
And, hopefully, we’ll keep on BOOSTing and creating together in the future.
Simply by moving. Gently, gently.
Thank you for reading all this.
So.. How about you?
How are you doing right now?
What has kept you going for the past 18 months?
Let me know in the comments below!
PS: You can download this full video (plus the original version, AND the one with stars) here: www.gum.co/fanveilflow/free 💕✨
ENJOY! And feel free to share 💕☺️✨